She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
