Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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