apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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