So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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