carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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