My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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