I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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