just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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