ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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