No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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