Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize