I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
