It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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