careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i will never coherently bang her
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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