new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
