I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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