Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
