Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
