dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
