So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize