Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
