Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
