Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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