I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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