Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my being single is dangerous.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
