so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
