just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
