White coat. Heels.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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