You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Too much gin, very little bucket
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
