Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize