just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
