remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
