It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
