i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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