My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
