im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
