I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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