doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
