I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
