He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
