My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
