You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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