Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
