this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
