just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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