My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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