Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
