I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
