mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
