Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
