we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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