I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
