Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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