in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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