I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
