the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
