I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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