thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
