She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
false alarm. still invincible.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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