i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
