i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
