the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
