please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
