I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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