The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
