Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
