woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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